SEX 101.2

I’ve beaten you men up pretty good and you have all been great sports! So this one is for you!

The things women do in bed that are just down right absurd based on stories I have heard from friends of the male species
Sex 101.2

So you have met one of the sexiest women you have ever laid your eyes on, your dying to get her between your sheets. You’ve wined and dined her and the night comes when she finally gives it up.
Only the goods she is giving up aren’t worth the money you spent on the cab ride you put her ass in……

The Crier- You thought bringing this woman to your bed would be as hot as taking a trip to Tahiti, but turns out to be more like a barrel ride over Niagara Falls, with tears putting out any sparks that were flying! What about good sex could possibly bring a woman to tears? The condom breaking, maybe it even getting lost somewhere in their dark abyss, or maybe she is in bed with one of the men I described in sex 101? These are the only logical reasons I can come up with. If your hormones are that out of wack please seek medical attention, get put on an antidepressant STAT, or carry a Hershey bar in your bag to cure any type of estrogen overdose! Call me crazy but I don’t believe a stream of tears is going to turn him on for round 2!


The Game Show Host –She asks you question after question, making you feel like your a contestant on Hollywood Squares! She usually starts off with "What are you thinking right now?” What is he thinking? When most men are having sex, they are thinking about one thing and one thing only, F****** YOU for as long and as many ways physically possible! They are not thinking about white picket fences, rainbows and butterflies. They have one goal in mind; we all know what that is. So please stop the madness, leave the questions for Bark Barker and Bob Eubanks.

Catch of the Day OR NOT- Star Fish, dead fish, however you dice it, we all know it’s NOT GOOD! She just lays there not willing to actively participate in the activities while you are sweating profusely doing all work trying to move her limp body around. Leaving you feeling like you ordered the Lobster but got the Scrod! Girls the odds of men owning a waterbed these days is pretty much o-none, so you are going to have to do the moving around on your own!

The Mute with Hearing Loss- She is as silent as Clarice wants the lambs to be. You have absolute no clue what she likes because she is completely unresponsive to all your moves. You tell her again and agin what you like, and what you want her to do, but she suddenly is hearing impaired. This girl would definitely cast for the leading role if Hollywood remade Helen Keller!

I think I may create a dating website for these women and the men I described in sex 101, they would be matches made in heaven, and I would most definitely make a fortune!

Women are just good like that!

Multitasking- Why is that when men partake in a single task they can only do that one particular task at hand? Ok, ok I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt two things in conjunction with each other; eat and watch TV. It’s not even worth it to stop them in the middle of doing something as simple as browsing the internet to ask them for an answer to a question that may require thought. The typical answer usually is “I'm doing something”. Women are experts at multitasking. We can juggle, fold laundry, solve calculus problems, and cook a dinner all simultaneously while consoling our BFF on the phone who just had a fight with her boyfriend.

Breaking the routine- it’s no secret that most men stick to a daily routine. Sleep, eat, work, workout, eat and sleep. To even consider breaking the pattern seems like it could cause terror and sudden panic in their lives. Asking to make plans during their regularly scheduled gym time, forget it, that would be like asking Tammy Faye Baker to wear less makeup. As if that one extra day in the gym is going to put them in the running for Mr. Universe. Women can break out of habit without causing mass confusion to their lives by changing their schedules around. You need a women to be somewhere, she will do 8 minute abs before hitting the pillow!

The subtle stare- Men DO NOT comprehend nor utilize this approach. Men will stare at a women they are attracted to no matter her whereabouts; while we are eating, sitting at a red light, the gym, or on a train. Lacking flair when it comes to being subtle. Men usually opt for the dead on full-face stare. It’s as if they paid admission to an art exhibit and need to get their money’s worth. What they seem to forget is the object they are looking at is actually a real person; WE CAN SEE YOU! You are not character out of a comic book that possess’s the power to turn himself invisible. Women usually go for the subtlety factor, a glance out of the corner of the eye, or quick glances at an intermitten speed to spare the object of our attention of feeling uncomfortable.

I guess women are just good like that...no matter what is is. Anything you can do, we can do better!