Lesson Learned!

The single most important lesson I learned in college!

The memory is so vivid if I close my eyes I can still smell the perfume I was wearing that night.

My two best friends and I headed to an off campus house party. When the three of us arrived at the party and walked in like we owned the place. Three-college freshman, we were confident, fearless and maybe just maybe a tad bit to cocky. With ease and charm we quickly engaged in conversation with the parties host, and guests. And became the center of attention. About an hour in to the party I saw something come out of the closet that looked like what could be a bong, but only this particular one looked like it was put through a cycle of steroids. Standing about 3 feet tall it was massive. My two bests were eager to jump at the chance to take their turn. Me on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to temp my fate with it considering I had already had one to many cocktails. I thought, do I really want to do this?? How does one even smoke it; climb the couch and mount it like an apparatus of sorts?
Well Of course following a few comments from the peanut gallery I hopped in for my turn at the mega sized glass tube.

At this point, I definitely felt off, was not myself. Dizzy and drunk, I tried to fit in with everyone dancing. I then turned to my friend and said “Jesus she’s fat, and she needs to move out of my space” referring to the girl dancing next to me who resembled a super bowl winning linebacker in size. She immediately turned to me and gave me a stare so evil that if looks could kill the party would have had a 187 on their hands. Me an all of 100lbs soaking wet falsely feeling like superwomen due to the excessive indulgence in party favors felt compelled to tell her my exact thoughts. So I said “you’re fat, and get your ass out of my space” My heart was pounding, but what else could I have done, she heard me, there was no turning back.

This is how the next few minutes went down………..

She backhanded me so hard in the face my head snapped back like pez dispenser and my knees buckled under me. It was lights out sally. The next thing I knew I was on the ground with one of my best friends standing over me asking me if I was ok. No, I’ wasn’t ok. With blood all over my face and my favorite shirt all I could think was “my nose better not be broken, and my favorite shirt is ruined”

So what’s the lesson learned here? Your probably thinking, don’t drink too much, don’t smoke dope. NO these are NOT the lessons I learned.

The lesson is this. : If you are going to be caddy and talk about someone who is standing next to you, make sure you use your indoor voice so they don’t hear you. Learn the art form, it will save your favorite shirt in the closet!

Valentines Day Gift Giving

Most men view the day as "The Hallmark manufactured Holiday" with the over excessive advertisements off flowers, jewelry and candy! But let's face it people , women love valentines Day, and wether men believe in it or not, Vday remains a holiday and will come about once a year every year until your last breath on this earth.

Here are my thoughts on Valentines Day Gift giving;

Category Selection: First things first  stop thinking practical!!!! Most women do NOT want to receive a practical gift for Valentines Day! We want something that is tangible or  special, and I don't mean special as in thoughtful,  special as in that item you heard us talk about repeatedly that we won't just grab ourselves on a regular visit to the mall. While Gucci ,Juicy Couture, and Louis Vuitton can't automatically start a car or change a tire, refrain from purchasing a gift that involves a vehicle ora  membership that consists of the letters AAA.   I'm pretty sure most of us would rather freeze waiting for the car to warm up while admiring the new pocket book you bought us! If your going to spend that much money you sure as hell should  get it right!



Flower Selection: What women doesn't want to receive roses at work or when she  gets home after a long day? It's inevitable the flowers will wilt and die, it's a moot point to make,  we still want to be the girl at the office that gets a  call from the secretary saying "you have a delivery"! For the love of Christ please avoid sending any arrangements that consist of carnations, they are a reminder of death,and belong on caskets not our desks/bureaus! Ahhhhh and we can't forget about those ever so popular edible arrangements, uh, yeah me no comprende this concept??? What about a grape/cantaloupe on a stick says romance? Thanks, but we can head down to the cafeteria if we are craving an assortment of fruit!

Jewelry Selection: - If you really want to wow your girl with diamonds; giving her a 14k gold heart shaped necklace and earring set isn't going to make the cut! Unless your under the age of 17 buying for your HS sweetheart; it's not suitable. "But it has diamonds in it"  your thinking; well I'm saying, lose the hearts keep the diamonds and throw them around a bezel for an already existing watch we wear!

I  am fully aware  that not everyone can afford to buy  extravagant gifts and most of us women don't expect them.  It's simple, teddy bears, chocolates and flowers always make us feel good and win us over.  Just make sure you don't opt for  the $3 teddy bear holding the carnation at the CVS counter when your picking up those condoms; trust me she won't be in a hurry to put one on you that night!