You met the man of your dreams, he’s smart, funny, stable and gorgeous. He couldn’t be more perfect if you made him yourself.
That night finally comes when you are going to sleep with him for the first time. You know its going to be amazing! But then, something goes horribly wrong…………
He ends up being one of the following guys, or even worse all of them in one.
Bob the Builder- Drilling faster than a jack hammer trying to break through a block of cement in the heart of the big dig, this guy makes you feel like maybe he should be wearing a hard hat in addition to the condom . Hasn't the truth been spread by word of mouth enough in cities all across the world for men to finally understand that this “technique” is NOT a good time had by all.
EMT/Pie Eating Competitor – You mine as well say “ready, set, go” for this one he dives in so fast head first to where "he thinks" your so called "G" spot is with no guidance. However instead of being pinned with a first place blue ribbon, this guy is more likely to end up in last place on our list of most enjoyable bedroom moments. Along with his speed he usually applies an absurd amount of pressure with his face as if he is compressing a wound to save a life.
Physical Trainer- Right when you are feeling amazing and things are going so well naturally he starts placing you in awkward position after awkward position, changing the fluidness of things. At this point you are so perplexed by how he could possibly think this is a good time for you. Granted we all know switching it up is fun, and making your partner happy happy is key but this type of experience is more mimicking a Pilate's class leaving you to question if you should leave him a tip for the workout.
One last thing, I can’t categorize this one, but NEVER under any circumstance no matter how good the sex was say “thank you” to a girl after the fact. Our vagina is NOT a soup kitchen.
Boys I am pretty sure If you are “doing” any or all of these things in the bedroom chances are she won’t want to be “doing” you again!
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