The things women do in bed that are just down right absurd based on stories I have heard from friends of the male species
Sex 101.2
So you have met one of the sexiest women you have ever laid your eyes on, your dying to get her between your sheets. You’ve wined and dined her and the night comes when she finally gives it up.
Only the goods she is giving up aren’t worth the money you spent on the cab ride you put her ass in……
The Crier- You thought bringing this woman to your bed would be as hot as taking a trip to Tahiti, but turns out to be more like a barrel ride over Niagara Falls, with tears putting out any sparks that were flying! What about good sex could possibly bring a woman to tears? The condom breaking, maybe it even getting lost somewhere in their dark abyss, or maybe she is in bed with one of the men I described in sex 101? These are the only logical reasons I can come up with. If your hormones are that out of wack please seek medical attention, get put on an antidepressant STAT, or carry a Hershey bar in your bag to cure any type of estrogen overdose! Call me crazy but I don’t believe a stream of tears is going to turn him on for round 2!
The Game Show Host –She asks you question after question, making you feel like your a contestant on Hollywood Squares! She usually starts off with "What are you thinking right now?” What is he thinking? When most men are having sex, they are thinking about one thing and one thing only, F****** YOU for as long and as many ways physically possible! They are not thinking about white picket fences, rainbows and butterflies. They have one goal in mind; we all know what that is. So please stop the madness, leave the questions for Bark Barker and Bob Eubanks.
Catch of the Day OR NOT- Star Fish, dead fish, however you dice it, we all know it’s NOT GOOD! She just lays there not willing to actively participate in the activities while you are sweating profusely doing all work trying to move her limp body around. Leaving you feeling like you ordered the Lobster but got the Scrod! Girls the odds of men owning a waterbed these days is pretty much o-none, so you are going to have to do the moving around on your own!
The Mute with Hearing Loss- She is as silent as Clarice wants the lambs to be. You have absolute no clue what she likes because she is completely unresponsive to all your moves. You tell her again and agin what you like, and what you want her to do, but she suddenly is hearing impaired. This girl would definitely cast for the leading role if Hollywood remade Helen Keller!
I think I may create a dating website for these women and the men I described in sex 101, they would be matches made in heaven, and I would most definitely make a fortune!
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9 comments:
Hysterical!
What about the girl that is so addicted to her "Toy" that she totally forgets about the guy she dragged back. I know having a "Toy" is not absurd but it is to us guys if we have to compete with it. File Under "Selfish Chic with Dildo Addictions"
The Coma Patient- (from the Greek koma, meaning deep sleep)Much like an actual condition, a comatose person cannot be awakened, fails to respond normally to pain or light, does not have sleep-wake cycles, and does not take voluntary actions. Pat yourself on the back guys, you did you job well! You just gave your lucky lady quite possibly the the best gift possible, the illusive O. Don't be alarmed at the condition of the lifeless naked mass at the end of the bed. The endorphin overload was too much for her to take. Communication is near impossible since the loss of speech and the ability to pronounce words is near to none. After the sporadic moans and squeaks stop, you will start to recognize what resembles words leaving her mouth if you listen carefully such as "Oh my GOD' and " That was amazing!" This is a sign things are looking better for you champ, not to worry you didn't break her. Chance of relapse to this condition are high however, warning signs can be established if you hear "Can you do that again?".....
How about you skanks that forget to wash your stench trenches, then expect us to do a job on you? As hot as a vagina is, it can be a source of great olfactory disdain and the stink can wreck everything. It should be washed and shaved clean at all times.
Dear Big Dig,
I am in full agreement with that, its gross........one word for those girls. GYNECOLOGIST!
Agreed...but the shave is the most important.
The worst is when a girl asks you to eat her anus and she doesn't have the decency to shower first.
Nicky D, if you knew what you were doing, your girl wouldnt need the toy. maybe you should stick to guys.
EVERY GIRL NEEDS AND SHOULD HAVE A TOY REGARDLESS OF HOW GOOD OR BAD HER BOY IS IN THE BEDROOM!!!! IF YA DONT YOUR MISSING OUT BIGGG TIME!!!
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