Lesson Learned!

The single most important lesson I learned in college!

The memory is so vivid if I close my eyes I can still smell the perfume I was wearing that night.

My two best friends and I headed to an off campus house party. When the three of us arrived at the party and walked in like we owned the place. Three-college freshman, we were confident, fearless and maybe just maybe a tad bit to cocky. With ease and charm we quickly engaged in conversation with the parties host, and guests. And became the center of attention. About an hour in to the party I saw something come out of the closet that looked like what could be a bong, but only this particular one looked like it was put through a cycle of steroids. Standing about 3 feet tall it was massive. My two bests were eager to jump at the chance to take their turn. Me on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to temp my fate with it considering I had already had one to many cocktails. I thought, do I really want to do this?? How does one even smoke it; climb the couch and mount it like an apparatus of sorts?
Well Of course following a few comments from the peanut gallery I hopped in for my turn at the mega sized glass tube.

At this point, I definitely felt off, was not myself. Dizzy and drunk, I tried to fit in with everyone dancing. I then turned to my friend and said “Jesus she’s fat, and she needs to move out of my space” referring to the girl dancing next to me who resembled a super bowl winning linebacker in size. She immediately turned to me and gave me a stare so evil that if looks could kill the party would have had a 187 on their hands. Me an all of 100lbs soaking wet falsely feeling like superwomen due to the excessive indulgence in party favors felt compelled to tell her my exact thoughts. So I said “you’re fat, and get your ass out of my space” My heart was pounding, but what else could I have done, she heard me, there was no turning back.

This is how the next few minutes went down………..

She backhanded me so hard in the face my head snapped back like pez dispenser and my knees buckled under me. It was lights out sally. The next thing I knew I was on the ground with one of my best friends standing over me asking me if I was ok. No, I’ wasn’t ok. With blood all over my face and my favorite shirt all I could think was “my nose better not be broken, and my favorite shirt is ruined”

So what’s the lesson learned here? Your probably thinking, don’t drink too much, don’t smoke dope. NO these are NOT the lessons I learned.

The lesson is this. : If you are going to be caddy and talk about someone who is standing next to you, make sure you use your indoor voice so they don’t hear you. Learn the art form, it will save your favorite shirt in the closet!