Lesson Learned!

The single most important lesson I learned in college!

The memory is so vivid if I close my eyes I can still smell the perfume I was wearing that night.

My two best friends and I headed to an off campus house party. When the three of us arrived at the party and walked in like we owned the place. Three-college freshman, we were confident, fearless and maybe just maybe a tad bit to cocky. With ease and charm we quickly engaged in conversation with the parties host, and guests. And became the center of attention. About an hour in to the party I saw something come out of the closet that looked like what could be a bong, but only this particular one looked like it was put through a cycle of steroids. Standing about 3 feet tall it was massive. My two bests were eager to jump at the chance to take their turn. Me on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to temp my fate with it considering I had already had one to many cocktails. I thought, do I really want to do this?? How does one even smoke it; climb the couch and mount it like an apparatus of sorts?
Well Of course following a few comments from the peanut gallery I hopped in for my turn at the mega sized glass tube.

At this point, I definitely felt off, was not myself. Dizzy and drunk, I tried to fit in with everyone dancing. I then turned to my friend and said “Jesus she’s fat, and she needs to move out of my space” referring to the girl dancing next to me who resembled a super bowl winning linebacker in size. She immediately turned to me and gave me a stare so evil that if looks could kill the party would have had a 187 on their hands. Me an all of 100lbs soaking wet falsely feeling like superwomen due to the excessive indulgence in party favors felt compelled to tell her my exact thoughts. So I said “you’re fat, and get your ass out of my space” My heart was pounding, but what else could I have done, she heard me, there was no turning back.

This is how the next few minutes went down………..

She backhanded me so hard in the face my head snapped back like pez dispenser and my knees buckled under me. It was lights out sally. The next thing I knew I was on the ground with one of my best friends standing over me asking me if I was ok. No, I’ wasn’t ok. With blood all over my face and my favorite shirt all I could think was “my nose better not be broken, and my favorite shirt is ruined”

So what’s the lesson learned here? Your probably thinking, don’t drink too much, don’t smoke dope. NO these are NOT the lessons I learned.

The lesson is this. : If you are going to be caddy and talk about someone who is standing next to you, make sure you use your indoor voice so they don’t hear you. Learn the art form, it will save your favorite shirt in the closet!

Valentines Day Gift Giving

Most men view the day as "The Hallmark manufactured Holiday" with the over excessive advertisements off flowers, jewelry and candy! But let's face it people , women love valentines Day, and wether men believe in it or not, Vday remains a holiday and will come about once a year every year until your last breath on this earth.

Here are my thoughts on Valentines Day Gift giving;

Category Selection: First things first  stop thinking practical!!!! Most women do NOT want to receive a practical gift for Valentines Day! We want something that is tangible or  special, and I don't mean special as in thoughtful,  special as in that item you heard us talk about repeatedly that we won't just grab ourselves on a regular visit to the mall. While Gucci ,Juicy Couture, and Louis Vuitton can't automatically start a car or change a tire, refrain from purchasing a gift that involves a vehicle ora  membership that consists of the letters AAA.   I'm pretty sure most of us would rather freeze waiting for the car to warm up while admiring the new pocket book you bought us! If your going to spend that much money you sure as hell should  get it right!



Flower Selection: What women doesn't want to receive roses at work or when she  gets home after a long day? It's inevitable the flowers will wilt and die, it's a moot point to make,  we still want to be the girl at the office that gets a  call from the secretary saying "you have a delivery"! For the love of Christ please avoid sending any arrangements that consist of carnations, they are a reminder of death,and belong on caskets not our desks/bureaus! Ahhhhh and we can't forget about those ever so popular edible arrangements, uh, yeah me no comprende this concept??? What about a grape/cantaloupe on a stick says romance? Thanks, but we can head down to the cafeteria if we are craving an assortment of fruit!

Jewelry Selection: - If you really want to wow your girl with diamonds; giving her a 14k gold heart shaped necklace and earring set isn't going to make the cut! Unless your under the age of 17 buying for your HS sweetheart; it's not suitable. "But it has diamonds in it"  your thinking; well I'm saying, lose the hearts keep the diamonds and throw them around a bezel for an already existing watch we wear!

I  am fully aware  that not everyone can afford to buy  extravagant gifts and most of us women don't expect them.  It's simple, teddy bears, chocolates and flowers always make us feel good and win us over.  Just make sure you don't opt for  the $3 teddy bear holding the carnation at the CVS counter when your picking up those condoms; trust me she won't be in a hurry to put one on you that night!

Winter Weather Turns us into Monsters!

I’m not sure what got into me today, maybe it was the fact that I had to drive into work this morning, when everyone else seemed to be working from home, or if every now and then we like to do something wrong for the sheer entertainment value. Whatever the reason, I did something on the ride home today that I'm sure will make Karma come back and bit me in the ass tenfold.

I was driving home from the office at about 4pm; the weather conditions were clearly not good. Slushy roads, people riding their brakes, and stopping short. After driving for a few minutes I came upon a puddle so deep the Lock Ness Monster could live in it. I had no choice but to go through it, so I did, and did the normal pumping of the breaks. Not even 20 seconds later my windshield wipers went out. Twenty or thirty F BOMBS later they went back on. I'm thinking is this really happening for real? I tried to calm myself down and threw on some Dave Matthews; this wasn’t working because the wipers went off again. A fuse was obviously affected from the monstrosity of a puddle I barreled through. I pulled over; turned the car off and back on, and they were working again.
I’m now driving along, singing along with Dave and I noticed some guy walking on the sidewalk. He was dressed in attire for climbing a summit in blizzard conditions, this irked me. There was a puddle next to the sidewalk, and I don’t know what came over me, but I purposely drove my car into the puddle just enough so the man would get sprayed, and he def did! I could see him in my rear view window throwing up the finger and shaking off his legs and arms, probably throwing out a few dozenn F BOMBS himself.. It most definitely made me laugh, and the rest of my car ride home was more enjoyable.

I am going to have to blame this one on the New England weather, it turns us into creatures from the unknown and Yes I am going to hell for this one but I know I will see a few of you there.

Cleavage and It's Power!

There is nothing I dread more than having to deal with repairs of the electronic kind. Broken phone, DVD player, radio, computer etc. you get the idea.  Over he holidays I was having some problems with my laptop, the power would only last a few hours; this wasn't going to cut it. I had finally  come to the realization that it needed to be taken to its maker for a synopsis of the problem; I made an appointment with the Genius Bar at the Apple store.  Well because after all me with out my MAC is like Laverne without Shirley!

Apprehensive about visiting the mall two days before Christmas I bit the bullet and started on my journey. after a long day at work and sitting in hours of traffic I reached my destination LATE. I was already told if I was more than 15 min late I would lose my appointment;GREAT!

Being in the mall for no less than a minute I  felt my body start to tense up. The screaming kids, the shoppers who are not blind but still walk directly into you, the obnoxious covers of classic Christmas songs taking over the airwaves  was not what the Dr. ordered for me that night.

I was greeted by a young man at the entrance of the store. I frantically started pleading my case of why I was so late. He cut me off before I could even get so far as "i was in traffic"when he said "It's ok" and  "escorted me to the Genius Bar. While waiting, I of course started to people watch. An older couple made their way near me and were late for there appointment. The same young gentelmen told them they would have to wait until the next available slot which was at least an hour.

Another young man was at my service in a matter of minutes. I explained the complications I was experiencing with my computer. He took the computer in the back to check it out. Knowing I would be a while I continued on with my ease dropping and people watching skills.  Customers were being asked  to sign in, fill in paperwork and show their licenses. Things I didn't have to do? About 20 minutes later , the tech was back explaining I had multiple hardware and software issues. As he was rattling off what he had done to rectify the problem and what hardware I would need , the $ started adding up in my head. Just what i need a $500 bill a few days before Christmas.  He unwrapped some new hardware and switched out the old. He also grabbed some  accessories that he insisted I should have.  I was thinking to myself, "why is he assuming I want to purchase all of this now, maybe I would wait" When he was done, I looked at him leaned over just enough and said with my ever so shiny lips and signature grin"Sooo, what do you I owe?" The young man looked at me, smiled and simply said "Don't worry about it, you shouldn't have to deal with all of this right before Christmas, it's all set!!!!"

  Late for the appointment, no hassle of filling in paperwork and pulling out my license, all of the services, hardware and accessories free of charge. Was lady luck on my side? Maybe so , but I have to say my own "LADIES" did some marketable accessorizing for me that night!!!! 

Fantasy to Friend

Going from her Fantasy to her Friend in the blink of an eye......

You know the good old saying "Clothes don't make the man", well unfortunately for you men sometimes clothes do make the man, they can make him our fantasy or our friend!

"Wow, he's adorable" to "Oh my God forget it he's wearing_____" has definitely been said about you if you are sporting any of the following:

Strappy Sandals. You know the kind. The complicated Velcro sandals with a slight heel. They look more like an air cast than a shoe. They are in no better words a shoe catastrophe. Unless your the host of Man Vs. Wild, I see no reason for them to be worn in everyday life.

The words Men and Mittens should never even be spoken in the same sentence. Mittens are for boy children, it's not an acceptable practice for an adult male to be wearing them. Think twice before you put your hands in a pair when your leaving the house, because those hands wont be going in any other warm spots (wink wink)!



White socks with black shoes. First of all how do your feet even fit in shoes with gym socks on? A stylish shoe needs to be shown some respect with the proper hosiery! One man only can pull this off his name is Michael Jackson, and I believe you to not be him.


Belts/ties/button downs covered in sea crustaceans. Question: When have you ever been with a girl and she looked in a lobster tank and said to you "aww those lobsters are so cute, you should most definitely buy a piece of clothing with an absurd amount of them on it?" Answer: What is "Never" Mr. Trebek!


I am all about individuality and being yourself, but there is definitely a line between TURN ON AND TURN OFF!

The Gym and the Make-Up Members

Girls, have you ever been in the gym and a guy tries to talk to you, but when you are unresponsive he gets defensive? You feel like you are in bar and you just refused a drink from him. The gym is a place to get away from all the drama that goes along with everyday life and blow off steam. I shouldn't have to deal with getting hit on while sweating and trying to catch my breath!

I have my theory on why this happens. I call it the "Make-up Member" Theory.

I will never understand why girls wear a full face of makeup to the gym. The environment just doesn’t feel like the right place to be sporting my $16 Mac lip-gloss. I wonder to my self “don’t their pours clog up from sweating with all that goop on their faces?” Duh, then it dawned on me, these girls are NOT sweating. They are the "Make-up members". Their hair is down, they are wearing their velvet Juicy sweat suits that are not made for working out and their perfectly clean sneakers, which look as though they were never used for anything real physical. They usually travel in packs, and they spend more time wandering than using the equipment. They read magazines while doing cardio, and think the lower back machine is for abs. Upon their exit they usually buy a “protein” bar not having a clue that it probably has as much sugar in it as Fun Dip!

These type of girls give men the idea we all want to be hit in in the gym and I got news for you, WE DON'T!

I understand and respect that people want to feel good about themselves and look good in public. It’s one thing to throw some waterproof mascara on, but please refrain from Kim Kardashian's makeup routine!!!!!

The Nice the Bad and The Balanced

After talking with a friend who described a guy she recently went on a date with as “to nice” I started racking my brain for reasons girls flock to “The Bad Boy” and cast away “The Nice Guy”.
He’s confident, he’s witty, he’s strong, and he’s unpredictable, we can smell how wrong he is for us a mile away, knowing he has the potential to crush our hearts. But we still want him and fall for his charm every single time. We want him as bad as we want those new Manolo Blahnik’s at Niemen’s to go on sale or another Louis Vuitton bag we know we can’t afford, will for sure put a dent in our bank account, but still buy!

He’s “THE BAD BOY”

He’s corny, he’s predictable, and he yes’s us to death. We are bored by his lame attempts to compliment us every two minutes, he doesn’t have a mind of his own and our thoughts and opinions become his. The thought of hair scrunchies coming back into style, or our favorite lip gloss being discontinued becomes more appealing than spending one more mundane minute with him.

HE’S “THE NICE GUY”

Men are classified in one of two categories “The Nice Guy” or “The Bad Boy” No little girls dream of one day meeting a boy that will make them cry, leave them waiting at home or playing guessing games. Nor do we pray for a guy who will bow to our every command and be our doormat. After coming to this easy conclusion, I realized we don't want either. We don't want the bad that comes with the bad, and we don't want the boredom that comes with the nice. We want a combination of the attributes both share. I am convinced “The Balanced Guy” exists!

Here is my perfect balance of the two!

Backbone: While the nice guy’s opinions become less and less his own and rather ours. , the so-called bad boy will challenge our thoughts and opinions, stimulate us mentally, but can sometimes be overbearing. We need a balanced man who will listen to our ideas and at the same time respect them.

Unpredictability: The nice guys tend to always say and do the same things, and it's boring. Taking us to the same restaurants, bringing up the same conversation topics. The bad boy is unpredictable, not afraid to take a chance on something new and different, but will most of the time forget about those few things we really do love. We need that balanced guy who will never forget those things we love to do, to talk about, but also isn’t afraid to switch it up, and be spontaneous.

Confidence: Bad boys can definitely be ********, but they're confident ********. They know what they like, and are not afraid to make it known. There is nothing less attractive to a woman than a man that doesn’t know what to do or what he wants. Someone who needs constant guidance on reaching a decision. This only tells us you will not be fun in, nor make it to the one room of our houses your dying to be in. That guy that has the perfect balance will want your opinion and take it into consideration but knows when he won’t need it and can make the decision for himself or for the both of you.

Strength: No matter how independent we can be, women still want to feel safe. We want to be protected. Bad boys seem to project this safety net quality through sheer toughness, but sensitivity can get lost in the roughness. Nice guys come across as weak with their constant pursuit to agree, and please. That balanced guy will have the strength to take us under his wing and protect us through the hard times along with knowing how to use the right words that will comfort us.

So to all you men who fall under the “Balanced” category come out come out wherever you are. They myth of your existence needs to be brought to life!

And for you men who think you need to be the "Bad Boy" to get the girl, become "THE BALANCED" GUY!!!!!