The Wicked Truth......

The date resistant shoe!

2009-05-12T18:42:00.005-04:00

I don’t like crocs period! I honestly can not see myself having anything in common with women who would purchase a pair because they think they are cute. Is it not bad enough that people are wearing petroleum-derived foam gardening shoes to places other than the garden but they jazz up the holes with “croc accessories” to draw more attention to the fact they are wearing a petroleum-derived foam gardening shoe to places other than the garden?. They come in every color imaginable but look terrible with every article of clothing ever made. They can not be paired with a denim miniskirt, a pair of leggings a gap tee or even sweatpants. They should just slap a LEGO tag on them since they can be mistaken for one. They may be resistant to odor but they are also resistant to getting a girl a date! There is only one word that should describe a shoe and it is “Fabulous” not Anti-bacterial”!!!

THE WAY I SEE IT.....

2009-04-01T16:45:00.009-04:00

"FLAG ON THE PLAY”

A man who doesn’t like sports raises a few red flags. Gay, straight, bi, whatever, it’s a problem. Can this breed of man even be trusted, where were they born, how did they grow up? Didn’t they throw the ball around with someone as a kid, hop on their bikes and head to the park for wiffle ball? Maybe they are cloned by the government for some type of top secret experiment? The idea of these men existing seems more unbelievable to me than both The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy.

I am not suggesting a guy should know every player on every team’s statistics, belong to a fantasy football league or own an HD sports package like some sports crazed men out there. However,not having the urge to put on the game is like a women not having the shopping chromosome. I just see it more fitting for a guy to not only look fantastic sporting a Tom Brady Jersey but to be able to rattle off the teams offensive and defensive third-down efficiency and conversation rate.

So maybe you’re a guy who is into other things, ok I get it, your sophisticated and sensitive because you love wine and art and don’t want to gain wait eating the chips and dip on Football Sundays. But lets’ face it a man not knowing just a little something about sports, well it’s simply………… UNAMERICAN!

“NO PARKING ZONE’

A man should be able to parallel park any sized vehicle anywhere, from a smart car to a monster truck, on a dirt road, or a newly paved street. It’s just part of the man gene. He should know how to accurately determine the car size to space ratio in a glance. Straight in straight out. Ok, one failed attempt may be acceptable but a man attempting to parallel park for a third and fourth try should surrender his man hood on the spot. Throw up the white flag, leave the car where it is and have it hauled off by a tow truck along with his dignity.

“COCKTAIL ANYONE”

There is just something about a man who drinks out of a straw that makes me cringe. You know the kind- the dainty skinny little cocktail straws that have a hole as small as a millimeter in circumference. With every sip through the tiny straw a piece of masculinity is stripped away, he mine as well use a sippie cup. How does one even drink through those straws anyway-It takes at least one minute for the liquid to make its way from the glass to your mouth.

The way I see it, there are only a select few occasions it’s socially acceptable for a man to use a straw. Here they are:

1. He broke his jaw and his mouth is wired shut
2. Drinking an ice coffee/milk shake
3. Drinking a large scorpion bowl(even this is on the fence)

And just for fun I will add a funnel to the socially acceptable straw appearance list! After all it is just a very long thick straw!

So men do yourself a favor, drink from the glass, do some light reading with a sports almanac and perfect the spiral, and practice your parallel parking in between a couple of cones!

My hat is tipped to all you beer drinking from the bottle sports crazed men who know the size of your vehicle and can park it on a dime!

SCRAM!

2009-03-18T12:58:00.008-04:00

You woke up late and on the wrong side of the bed, got stuck in massive amounts of traffic on the way to the office and screwed up a monumentally big project for your boss! Not all the chocolate, rainbows and butterflies in the word could put a smile on your face after this kind of day. The only one true thing that could cure a day like this from its entire atrociousness is a night out with your closest friends. One of those nights when you just want to laugh so hard until you pee your pants a little, share mindless banter about nothing. The last thing on your mind is small talk with men you are not the least bit interested in, this can only add to your aggravation for the day. Going back and forth with question and answer like you’re a contestant on the dating game is not on the night’s agenda. Sometimes you really just want to be left alone!

So your at the at the club/bar/lounge, laughing ,dancing what have you when you notice that unwanted persons/creeps are trying to make way into your group. Your subtle attempts to drive him away are just not registering in his brain because it’s overcrowded with thoughts of “I need/want to get laid tonight”. He’s not giving up and refuses to believe he doesn’t have a shot.

In my experience I have witnessed most women do the wrong thing here making their night stressful. She’s most likely thinking to herself “I don’t want to be a complete bitch, but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea, so if he offers me a drink I will graciously accept, walk away and hope he leaves me alone” WRONG!!!! This thought process actually makes me chuckle! My thought process and strategy is of course not the above.

Never under any circumstance be drinkless. I don’t care if you just finished the 12th step of the program, hold water. Being empty handed is his way in; all creeps bring their “C” level game using the “U need a drink” technique as a segue to asking you lame question after lame question. Do not accept the drink he offers with the hopes of being left alone for the remainder of the night. He will find you; it’s as if the bar charges an extra $10.50 for the option to have a liquid form of LoJack put in the drink. You want to accept the drink; be prepared to accept your fate for the night; he’s not going away!

Just don’t stand alone. You are like bait to sharks in open water. The creeps will keep circling around you getting closer and closer until finally they attack you with a cheap pick up line. An actual shark bite would probably be less painful than some of the lines I have been prey to.
Don’t be the bait; surround yourself with friends having an organized structure and defense like a Lion part of a Pride!

If the first two are unavoidable and all else fails there is only one method left. Unfortunately for him this is where your alto ego "Ms. DB" must make a brief cameo. If he is persistent in his efforts, thinking he’s “The Little Engine that Could”, laugh and literally tell him; “Pal, you are clearly the Little Engine that Couldn’t”. He will probably disappear so fast they will be calling you the next David Copperfield! And Please ladies do not feel bad after the fact, if he didn’t get the hint after his one two many meek attempts failed; his feelings should not even be under consideration.

Sometimes we just want to left alone; trust me men you would know if we wanted to be your bait, drink your drink, or give your engine a go!

SEX 101.2

2009-02-25T14:48:00.019-05:00

I’ve beaten you men up pretty good and you have all been great sports! So this one is for you!

The things women do in bed that are just down right absurd based on stories I have heard from friends of the male species
Sex 101.2

So you have met one of the sexiest women you have ever laid your eyes on, your dying to get her between your sheets. You’ve wined and dined her and the night comes when she finally gives it up.
Only the goods she is giving up aren’t worth the money you spent on the cab ride you put her ass in……

The Crier- You thought bringing this woman to your bed would be as hot as taking a trip to Tahiti, but turns out to be more like a barrel ride over Niagara Falls, with tears putting out any sparks that were flying! What about good sex could possibly bring a woman to tears? The condom breaking, maybe it even getting lost somewhere in their dark abyss, or maybe she is in bed with one of the men I described in sex 101? These are the only logical reasons I can come up with. If your hormones are that out of wack please seek medical attention, get put on an antidepressant STAT, or carry a Hershey bar in your bag to cure any type of estrogen overdose! Call me crazy but I don’t believe a stream of tears is going to turn him on for round 2!

The Game Show Host –She asks you question after question, making you feel like your a contestant on Hollywood Squares! She usually starts off with "What are you thinking right now?” What is he thinking? When most men are having sex, they are thinking about one thing and one thing only, F****** YOU for as long and as many ways physically possible! They are not thinking about white picket fences, rainbows and butterflies. They have one goal in mind; we all know what that is. So please stop the madness, leave the questions for Bark Barker and Bob Eubanks.

Catch of the Day OR NOT- Star Fish, dead fish, however you dice it, we all know it’s NOT GOOD! She just lays there not willing to actively participate in the activities while you are sweating profusely doing all work trying to move her limp body around. Leaving you feeling like you ordered the Lobster but got the Scrod! Girls the odds of men owning a waterbed these days is pretty much o-none, so you are going to have to do the moving around on your own!

The Mute with Hearing Loss- She is as silent as Clarice wants the lambs to be. You have absolute no clue what she likes because she is completely unresponsive to all your moves. You tell her again and agin what you like, and what you want her to do, but she suddenly is hearing impaired. This girl would definitely cast for the leading role if Hollywood remade Helen Keller!

I think I may create a dating website for these women and the men I described in sex 101, they would be matches made in heaven, and I would most definitely make a fortune!

Women are just good like that!

2009-02-24T22:51:00.008-05:00

Multitasking- Why is that when men partake in a single task they can only do that one particular task at hand? Ok, ok I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt two things in conjunction with each other; eat and watch TV. It’s not even worth it to stop them in the middle of doing something as simple as browsing the internet to ask them for an answer to a question that may require thought. The typical answer usually is “I'm doing something”. Women are experts at multitasking. We can juggle, fold laundry, solve calculus problems, and cook a dinner all simultaneously while consoling our BFF on the phone who just had a fight with her boyfriend.

Breaking the routine- it’s no secret that most men stick to a daily routine. Sleep, eat, work, workout, eat and sleep. To even consider breaking the pattern seems like it could cause terror and sudden panic in their lives. Asking to make plans during their regularly scheduled gym time, forget it, that would be like asking Tammy Faye Baker to wear less makeup. As if that one extra day in the gym is going to put them in the running for Mr. Universe. Women can break out of habit without causing mass confusion to their lives by changing their schedules around. You need a women to be somewhere, she will do 8 minute abs before hitting the pillow!

The subtle stare- Men DO NOT comprehend nor utilize this approach. Men will stare at a women they are attracted to no matter her whereabouts; while we are eating, sitting at a red light, the gym, or on a train. Lacking flair when it comes to being subtle. Men usually opt for the dead on full-face stare. It’s as if they paid admission to an art exhibit and need to get their money’s worth. What they seem to forget is the object they are looking at is actually a real person; WE CAN SEE YOU! You are not character out of a comic book that possess’s the power to turn himself invisible. Women usually go for the subtlety factor, a glance out of the corner of the eye, or quick glances at an intermitten speed to spare the object of our attention of feeling uncomfortable.

I guess women are just good like that...no matter what is is. Anything you can do, we can do better!

SEX 101

2009-02-16T20:51:00.008-05:00

You met the man of your dreams, he’s smart, funny, stable and gorgeous. He couldn’t be more perfect if you made him yourself.

That night finally comes when you are going to sleep with him for the first time. You know its going to be amazing! But then, something goes horribly wrong…………

He ends up being one of the following guys, or even worse all of them in one.

Bob the Builder- Drilling faster than a jack hammer trying to break through a block of cement in the heart of the big dig, this guy makes you feel like maybe he should be wearing a hard hat in addition to the condom . Hasn't the truth been spread by word of mouth enough in cities all across the world for men to finally understand that this “technique” is NOT a good time had by all.

EMT/Pie Eating Competitor – You mine as well say “ready, set, go” for this one he dives in so fast head first to where "he thinks" your so called "G" spot is with no guidance. However instead of being pinned with a first place blue ribbon, this guy is more likely to end up in last place on our list of most enjoyable bedroom moments. Along with his speed he usually applies an absurd amount of pressure with his face as if he is compressing a wound to save a life.

Physical Trainer- Right when you are feeling amazing and things are going so well naturally he starts placing you in awkward position after awkward position, changing the fluidness of things. At this point you are so perplexed by how he could possibly think this is a good time for you. Granted we all know switching it up is fun, and making your partner happy happy is key but this type of experience is more mimicking a Pilate's class leaving you to question if you should leave him a tip for the workout.

One last thing, I can’t categorize this one, but NEVER under any circumstance no matter how good the sex was say “thank you” to a girl after the fact. Our vagina is NOT a soup kitchen.

Boys I am pretty sure If you are “doing” any or all of these things in the bedroom chances are she won’t want to be “doing” you again!

Lesson Learned!

2009-02-04T21:59:00.006-05:00

The single most important lesson I learned in college!

The memory is so vivid if I close my eyes I can still smell the perfume I was wearing that night.

My two best friends and I headed to an off campus house party. When the three of us arrived at the party and walked in like we owned the place. Three-college freshman, we were confident, fearless and maybe just maybe a tad bit to cocky. With ease and charm we quickly engaged in conversation with the parties host, and guests. And became the center of attention. About an hour in to the party I saw something come out of the closet that looked like what could be a bong, but only this particular one looked like it was put through a cycle of steroids. Standing about 3 feet tall it was massive. My two bests were eager to jump at the chance to take their turn. Me on the other hand, I wasn’t so sure I wanted to temp my fate with it considering I had already had one to many cocktails. I thought, do I really want to do this?? How does one even smoke it; climb the couch and mount it like an apparatus of sorts?
Well Of course following a few comments from the peanut gallery I hopped in for my turn at the mega sized glass tube.

At this point, I definitely felt off, was not myself. Dizzy and drunk, I tried to fit in with everyone dancing. I then turned to my friend and said “Jesus she’s fat, and she needs to move out of my space” referring to the girl dancing next to me who resembled a super bowl winning linebacker in size. She immediately turned to me and gave me a stare so evil that if looks could kill the party would have had a 187 on their hands. Me an all of 100lbs soaking wet falsely feeling like superwomen due to the excessive indulgence in party favors felt compelled to tell her my exact thoughts. So I said “you’re fat, and get your ass out of my space” My heart was pounding, but what else could I have done, she heard me, there was no turning back.

This is how the next few minutes went down………..

She backhanded me so hard in the face my head snapped back like pez dispenser and my knees buckled under me. It was lights out sally. The next thing I knew I was on the ground with one of my best friends standing over me asking me if I was ok. No, I’ wasn’t ok. With blood all over my face and my favorite shirt all I could think was “my nose better not be broken, and my favorite shirt is ruined”

So what’s the lesson learned here? Your probably thinking, don’t drink too much, don’t smoke dope. NO these are NOT the lessons I learned.

The lesson is this. : If you are going to be caddy and talk about someone who is standing next to you, make sure you use your indoor voice so they don’t hear you. Learn the art form, it will save your favorite shirt in the closet!

Valentines Day Gift Giving

2009-02-02T11:27:00.033-05:00

Most men view the day as "The Hallmark manufactured Holiday" with the over excessive advertisements off flowers, jewelry and candy! But let's face it people , women love valentines Day, and wether men believe in it or not, Vday remains a holiday and will come about once a year every year until your last breath on this earth.

Here are my thoughts on Valentines Day Gift giving;

Category Selection: First things first stop thinking practical!!!! Most women do NOT want to receive a practical gift for Valentines Day! We want something that is tangible or special, and I don't mean special as in thoughtful, special as in that item you heard us talk about repeatedly that we won't just grab ourselves on a regular visit to the mall. While Gucci ,Juicy Couture, and Louis Vuitton can't automatically start a car or change a tire, refrain from purchasing a gift that involves a vehicle ora membership that consists of the letters AAA. I'm pretty sure most of us would rather freeze waiting for the car to warm up while admiring the new pocket book you bought us! If your going to spend that much money you sure as hell should get it right!

Flower Selection: What women doesn't want to receive roses at work or when she gets home after a long day? It's inevitable the flowers will wilt and die, it's a moot point to make, we still want to be the girl at the office that gets a call from the secretary saying "you have a delivery"! For the love of Christ please avoid sending any arrangements that consist of carnations, they are a reminder of death,and belong on caskets not our desks/bureaus! Ahhhhh and we can't forget about those ever so popular edible arrangements, uh, yeah me no comprende this concept??? What about a grape/cantaloupe on a stick says romance? Thanks, but we can head down to the cafeteria if we are craving an assortment of fruit!

Jewelry Selection: - If you really want to wow your girl with diamonds; giving her a 14k gold heart shaped necklace and earring set isn't going to make the cut! Unless your under the age of 17 buying for your HS sweetheart; it's not suitable. "But it has diamonds in it" your thinking; well I'm saying, lose the hearts keep the diamonds and throw them around a bezel for an already existing watch we wear!

I am fully aware that not everyone can afford to buy extravagant gifts and most of us women don't expect them. It's simple, teddy bears, chocolates and flowers always make us feel good and win us over. Just make sure you don't opt for the $3 teddy bear holding the carnation at the CVS counter when your picking up those condoms; trust me she won't be in a hurry to put one on you that night!

Winter Weather Turns us into Monsters!

2009-01-28T17:28:00.012-05:00

I’m not sure what got into me today, maybe it was the fact that I had to drive into work this morning, when everyone else seemed to be working from home, or if every now and then we like to do something wrong for the sheer entertainment value. Whatever the reason, I did something on the ride home today that I'm sure will make Karma come back and bit me in the ass tenfold.

I was driving home from the office at about 4pm; the weather conditions were clearly not good. Slushy roads, people riding their brakes, and stopping short. After driving for a few minutes I came upon a puddle so deep the Lock Ness Monster could live in it. I had no choice but to go through it, so I did, and did the normal pumping of the breaks. Not even 20 seconds later my windshield wipers went out. Twenty or thirty F BOMBS later they went back on. I'm thinking is this really happening for real? I tried to calm myself down and threw on some Dave Matthews; this wasn’t working because the wipers went off again. A fuse was obviously affected from the monstrosity of a puddle I barreled through. I pulled over; turned the car off and back on, and they were working again.
I’m now driving along, singing along with Dave and I noticed some guy walking on the sidewalk. He was dressed in attire for climbing a summit in blizzard conditions, this irked me. There was a puddle next to the sidewalk, and I don’t know what came over me, but I purposely drove my car into the puddle just enough so the man would get sprayed, and he def did! I could see him in my rear view window throwing up the finger and shaking off his legs and arms, probably throwing out a few dozenn F BOMBS himself.. It most definitely made me laugh, and the rest of my car ride home was more enjoyable.

I am going to have to blame this one on the New England weather, it turns us into creatures from the unknown and Yes I am going to hell for this one but I know I will see a few of you there.

Cleavage and It's Power!

2009-01-25T19:05:00.020-05:00

There is nothing I dread more than having to deal with repairs of the electronic kind. Broken phone, DVD player, radio, computer etc. you get the idea. Over he holidays I was having some problems with my laptop, the power would only last a few hours; this wasn't going to cut it. I had finally come to the realization that it needed to be taken to its maker for a synopsis of the problem; I made an appointment with the Genius Bar at the Apple store. Well because after all me with out my MAC is like Laverne without Shirley!

Apprehensive about visiting the mall two days before Christmas I bit the bullet and started on my journey. after a long day at work and sitting in hours of traffic I reached my destination LATE. I was already told if I was more than 15 min late I would lose my appointment;GREAT!

Being in the mall for no less than a minute I felt my body start to tense up. The screaming kids, the shoppers who are not blind but still walk directly into you, the obnoxious covers of classic Christmas songs taking over the airwaves was not what the Dr. ordered for me that night.

I was greeted by a young man at the entrance of the store. I frantically started pleading my case of why I was so late. He cut me off before I could even get so far as "i was in traffic"when he said "It's ok" and "escorted me to the Genius Bar. While waiting, I of course started to people watch. An older couple made their way near me and were late for there appointment. The same young gentelmen told them they would have to wait until the next available slot which was at least an hour.

Another young man was at my service in a matter of minutes. I explained the complications I was experiencing with my computer. He took the computer in the back to check it out. Knowing I would be a while I continued on with my ease dropping and people watching skills. Customers were being asked to sign in, fill in paperwork and show their licenses. Things I didn't have to do? About 20 minutes later , the tech was back explaining I had multiple hardware and software issues. As he was rattling off what he had done to rectify the problem and what hardware I would need , the $ started adding up in my head. Just what i need a $500 bill a few days before Christmas. He unwrapped some new hardware and switched out the old. He also grabbed some accessories that he insisted I should have. I was thinking to myself, "why is he assuming I want to purchase all of this now, maybe I would wait" When he was done, I looked at him leaned over just enough and said with my ever so shiny lips and signature grin"Sooo, what do you I owe?" The young man looked at me, smiled and simply said "Don't worry about it, you shouldn't have to deal with all of this right before Christmas, it's all set!!!!"

Late for the appointment, no hassle of filling in paperwork and pulling out my license, all of the services, hardware and accessories free of charge. Was lady luck on my side? Maybe so , but I have to say my own "LADIES" did some marketable accessorizing for me that night!!!!

Fantasy to Friend

2009-01-22T13:53:00.025-05:00

Going from her Fantasy to her Friend in the blink of an eye......

You know the good old saying "Clothes don't make the man", well unfortunately for you men sometimes clothes do make the man, they can make him our fantasy or our friend!

"Wow, he's adorable" to "Oh my God forget it he's wearing_____" has definitely been said about you if you are sporting any of the following:

Strappy Sandals. You know the kind. The complicated Velcro sandals with a slight heel. They look more like an air cast than a shoe. They are in no better words a shoe catastrophe. Unless your the host of Man Vs. Wild, I see no reason for them to be worn in everyday life.

The words Men and Mittens should never even be spoken in the same sentence. Mittens are for boy children, it's not an acceptable practice for an adult male to be wearing them. Think twice before you put your hands in a pair when your leaving the house, because those hands wont be going in any other warm spots (wink wink)!

White socks with black shoes. First of all how do your feet even fit in shoes with gym socks on? A stylish shoe needs to be shown some respect with the proper hosiery! One man only can pull this off his name is Michael Jackson, and I believe you to not be him.

Belts/ties/button downs covered in sea crustaceans. Question: When have you ever been with a girl and she looked in a lobster tank and said to you "aww those lobsters are so cute, you should most definitely buy a piece of clothing with an absurd amount of them on it?" Answer: What is "Never" Mr. Trebek!

I am all about individuality and being yourself, but there is definitely a line between TURN ON AND TURN OFF!

The Gym and the Make-Up Members

2009-01-20T22:02:00.011-05:00

Girls, have you ever been in the gym and a guy tries to talk to you, but when you are unresponsive he gets defensive? You feel like you are in bar and you just refused a drink from him. The gym is a place to get away from all the drama that goes along with everyday life and blow off steam. I shouldn't have to deal with getting hit on while sweating and trying to catch my breath!

I have my theory on why this happens. I call it the "Make-up Member" Theory.

I will never understand why girls wear a full face of makeup to the gym. The environment just doesn’t feel like the right place to be sporting my $16 Mac lip-gloss. I wonder to my self “don’t their pours clog up from sweating with all that goop on their faces?” Duh, then it dawned on me, these girls are NOT sweating. They are the "Make-up members". Their hair is down, they are wearing their velvet Juicy sweat suits that are not made for working out and their perfectly clean sneakers, which look as though they were never used for anything real physical. They usually travel in packs, and they spend more time wandering than using the equipment. They read magazines while doing cardio, and think the lower back machine is for abs. Upon their exit they usually buy a “protein” bar not having a clue that it probably has as much sugar in it as Fun Dip!

These type of girls give men the idea we all want to be hit in in the gym and I got news for you, WE DON'T!

I understand and respect that people want to feel good about themselves and look good in public. It’s one thing to throw some waterproof mascara on, but please refrain from Kim Kardashian's makeup routine!!!!!

The Nice the Bad and The Balanced

2009-01-18T22:07:00.040-05:00

After talking with a friend who described a guy she recently went on a date with as “to nice” I started racking my brain for reasons girls flock to “The Bad Boy” and cast away “The Nice Guy”.
He’s confident, he’s witty, he’s strong, and he’s unpredictable, we can smell how wrong he is for us a mile away, knowing he has the potential to crush our hearts. But we still want him and fall for his charm every single time. We want him as bad as we want those new Manolo Blahnik’s at Niemen’s to go on sale or another Louis Vuitton bag we know we can’t afford, will for sure put a dent in our bank account, but still buy!

He’s “THE BAD BOY”

He’s corny, he’s predictable, and he yes’s us to death. We are bored by his lame attempts to compliment us every two minutes, he doesn’t have a mind of his own and our thoughts and opinions become his. The thought of hair scrunchies coming back into style, or our favorite lip gloss being discontinued becomes more appealing than spending one more mundane minute with him.

HE’S “THE NICE GUY”

Men are classified in one of two categories “The Nice Guy” or “The Bad Boy” No little girls dream of one day meeting a boy that will make them cry, leave them waiting at home or playing guessing games. Nor do we pray for a guy who will bow to our every command and be our doormat. After coming to this easy conclusion, I realized we don't want either. We don't want the bad that comes with the bad, and we don't want the boredom that comes with the nice. We want a combination of the attributes both share. I am convinced “The Balanced Guy” exists!

Here is my perfect balance of the two!

Backbone: While the nice guy’s opinions become less and less his own and rather ours. , the so-called bad boy will challenge our thoughts and opinions, stimulate us mentally, but can sometimes be overbearing. We need a balanced man who will listen to our ideas and at the same time respect them.

Unpredictability: The nice guys tend to always say and do the same things, and it's boring. Taking us to the same restaurants, bringing up the same conversation topics. The bad boy is unpredictable, not afraid to take a chance on something new and different, but will most of the time forget about those few things we really do love. We need that balanced guy who will never forget those things we love to do, to talk about, but also isn’t afraid to switch it up, and be spontaneous.

Confidence: Bad boys can definitely be ********, but they're confident ********. They know what they like, and are not afraid to make it known. There is nothing less attractive to a woman than a man that doesn’t know what to do or what he wants. Someone who needs constant guidance on reaching a decision. This only tells us you will not be fun in, nor make it to the one room of our houses your dying to be in. That guy that has the perfect balance will want your opinion and take it into consideration but knows when he won’t need it and can make the decision for himself or for the both of you.

Strength: No matter how independent we can be, women still want to feel safe. We want to be protected. Bad boys seem to project this safety net quality through sheer toughness, but sensitivity can get lost in the roughness. Nice guys come across as weak with their constant pursuit to agree, and please. That balanced guy will have the strength to take us under his wing and protect us through the hard times along with knowing how to use the right words that will comfort us.

So to all you men who fall under the “Balanced” category come out come out wherever you are. They myth of your existence needs to be brought to life!

And for you men who think you need to be the "Bad Boy" to get the girl, become "THE BALANCED" GUY!!!!!

3 Sayings That I Could Do Without!

2009-01-17T00:41:00.015-05:00

"Distance makes the heart grow fonder"- Fonder of what, the person that replaced you? How is this comforting?

"Out of sight out of mind"- I thought distance makes the heart grow fonder?

"All babies are cute"- News flash people, NOT all babies are cute. I actually have a hard time playing with babies I don't think are cute.

The Art of the Argument

2009-01-14T11:22:00.029-05:00

Men are not good at arguing/conflict period doing anything and everything in their power to avoid it. Having been in a few dysfunctional relationships with arguments that could have been a Pay Per View Battle Royal have taught me a lot about how men argue. It could be so much less complicated if they just realized a few simple things.

Subject:

No matter what the bout is about always stay on the main subject matter. Bringing up other subjects prolongs the argument. Stay on the topic and it will be over quicker than you can get the condom out of the wrapper for the make up sex!

Word Selection:

Be careful what words you chose to describe your lady during the battle. I'm not talking about the "C" word or calling her a slut, these words merely make some of us laugh. They hold no weight. I am referring to those words that can really do the damage like selfish, motherly, nag. Those words will always stay on the front of the brain. Especially the next time you ask us to make you a sandwich!

Fight To The Finish:

Always finish the fight, never leave to try to cool off, or blow off steam for too long. This always backfires, it leaves us more time to remember and fester up other "dumb" things you have done, talk to our girlfriends about it; and that alone can always add fuel to the fire. Don;t run away from it, stick around and finish it right there!

Saying Sorry:

being able to say I'm sorry and I'm wrong is a great quality to have. But thinking it makes the arguing stop immediately is the wrong idea to have. Most women want a solution, a compromise, a common ground. Tell us what you will do to make it up, make it better. For the love of God make something up on the spot, we just like an answer!

Veteran of the Facebook

2009-01-12T21:23:00.021-05:00

There is no denying that I am a Facebook fanatic! One year and one million stalking hours under my belt has definitely earned me the title as Facebook All American a Veteran of the FFacebook if you will. If the Heisman trophy was given to the best Ffacebooker, I am pretty sure I would be a shue in. Since being a member of Facebook (which i should celebrate as an anniversary every year considering it's the best invention since the sliced bread) I have discovered some things that facebook rookies should be taught.

Being connected to friends and acquaintances through the cyber world is a remarkable thing. There are the benefits of looking through pictures of friends kids that you may not get to see too often, family that may live on the other side of the country, and reconnecting with old HS or College friends you haven't talked to in years. But in actuality , how much personal information do we need to know about our cyber world friends, Sharing emotional states, moods for the day, weather or not we are fighting with a spouse. This led me to think about some of my Do's and Dont's of Facebooking.

Do post pictures s of your children. I love seeing updated pictures of my friends and family's kids, it can always brighten a day or a mood.

Do post old pictures from "back in the day" it feels so good to reminisce of old times and remember where you came from and who you are.

Do post funny YouTube videos that can make the mundane work day go by so much faster.

Do make suggestions to others through sharing a link making a post or updating a status with great new movies or books to check out.

Do not put yourself in the "it's complicated with" relationship status. Acquaintances do not need to know you are in a rocky relationship.

Do not post pictures of yourself half nude. If we know you we know you have a fantastic body under that shirt.

Do not post status's that tell us you hate your life or your day is so miserable. If your life was that bad you wouldn't have time to update your status.

Do not post pictures that have "paraphernalia" in the background, have self respect.

Do not post pictures of your food. Honestly no one cares.

Do not have "Modeling Pics" album if you are NOT getting paid for those pictures. That would mean you are NOT a model.

So keep it light and entertaining, don't turn it into a place to moan about your life, a place to showcase of your half naked pictures, or a place to tell us how complciated your relationships are!

My Top 5 Favorite Female Film Villians

2009-01-12T11:43:00.007-05:00

Ever since my brother has turned me on to the whole "comic book" and "graphic novel" world which has become an obsession of mine, I started thinking about women who have portrayed bad ass characters in Film. Since I'm a huge fan of Horror/Thriller movies I got to thinking of my favorite female villains. It was hard for me to put them in any order because they are all as equally disturbed.

1. Catherine Tramell played by Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct"
She’s a brilliantly charismatic bi-sexual sociopath who effortlessly manipulates everyone in her path for entertainment value. How can any man resist that?

2. Annie Wilkes played by Cathy Bates in "Misery"
Hiding behind her cheery round face and her motherly facade Annie Wilkes is an extremely disturbed women who brutally tortures one her favorite writers.

3. Alex Forrest played by Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction"
Alex Forrest lacks mental stability and stalks Dan Gallagher like prey. Alex's obsession becomes stronger and stronger with time and she eventually goes mad.

4. Baby Firefly played by Sherri Moon Zombie in "The Devils Rejects"
With long flowing sandy colored hair it was easy for this natural beauty to lure in victims for her clan. She has a combination of ruthlessness and young energy that is unparalleled.

4. Peyton Flanders played by Rebecca De Mornay in "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle"
Disguising herself as the amiable nanny, Peyton Flanders is after the vengeance of the deaths of her own husband and baby. Deliciously evil and bewitching she terrorizes the Bartel family with her charm and clever ways.

There is NO cuddling in Sports!

2009-01-11T17:33:00.002-05:00

I will never understand those women who get annoyed when their boyfriends/husbands watch sports. Does it kill you you to let the man in your life a have a few hours to watch something he loves. I can't imagine these are not the same women who drag their significant others to the new Romantic Comedy that is playing. Do you actually think he wants to see that? Cut them some slack ladies and let them have their sports. When you say "im going shopping with sally" do they bitch an moan about it, do they try to tag along with you and hold hands in the mall ? f you are not into sports that's fine, but can't you find something to do on a Sunday that can occupy your time, with your own friends or yourself? Watching sports does not involve cuddling. I swear these women ruin it for the rest of us girls who love hanging with the guys to watch the game. There is no cuddling in sports!!!!!!!!!!!! I know women out there who try to cuddle up with the hubby on the couch and watch the game, where do you women come from? Women please get out of the movie you re living in in your head and come down to earth! Thank you!

Random things that annoy me

2009-01-11T15:33:00.003-05:00

When people let their kids run around or hang on the back of your booth at restaurants.
You give the "your kid is cute" smile to the parents hoping they will then grab their kid and make them sit down, but they don't.

Kids screaming on airplanes.
I am not a parent, but can't you give those things benadryl or something to knock them out for a few hours?

People who dig for exact change at the counter.
Do we really still live in a world where people even carry change?

People who use AM and PM redundantly
When people say things like “9am in the morning” and “10pm at night.” One or the other will suffice, thank you.

Twisted phone cords

After spending a few minutes untwisting them, the are twisted up again after the next call.

Girls that hate the "C" word

Most likely girls I would not surround myself with.

PeOpLe wHo TyPe LiKe tHiS
Can someone please give one logically reason teens type this way? It takes so much longer.

People who post pictures of their food on Facebook.

I will never understand why they think I want to see a pic of their plate full of sushi.

People who post pics of scenery from their vacations
This goes along with the above, they are usually the same person. If there are no people in it (ie. outfits to see), I'm not interested.

Sub zero temperatures in some isles in the grocery store
This makes me not even want to continue my shopping. It can be 95 degrees out in the dead heat of the summer and I still must bring a hoodie in with me.

Hair salons filled with stylist with the worst color or styled hair.
Why would i want to go there?

When parents use months to say their kid's age after the baby has turned 1.
"He/she is 32 and 1/2 months" ...yeah uhm ok, people don't want to calculate to figure out your kids age.

Men love saying "I was so busy"

2009-01-10T20:59:00.003-05:00

Why are men afraid to open the door to a daily "HI"?

I can't tell you how many times I have heard the words " I was so busy" come out of a boyfriend's or a males mouth as to why he didn't call/text/or email back. Not only have I heard them , but my girlfriends telling me the same thing. I can't express enough to these men that "YOU ARE NOT THE PRESIDENT ELECT" you can't possibly be that busy every single day to not pick up the phone, write an email, or text "just wanted to say hi" to someone you are seeing/liking/etc.

I just don't buy it, never did and never will. If you were so busy, did you not have the time to go to the men's room? Do you have one hand on the keyboard typing those important emails or on the phone making those important business calls with the other hand holding your genitalia urinating into an empty Gatorade container you leave next to your desk because you can't get up? Are you doing this all simultaneously while eating lunch?

Now I am not doubting that there will be those days when you are really that busy, god knows I have had those days, but there are those men who use it daily. They are busy, however they have time to update their Facebook status's, read the paper, check the scores of games on their phones, but they just don't have the time to say "hi" to you.

Men have the preconceived notion that women are so complicated and difficult, that we need so mush more than we really do. A simple "Just wanted to say hi" would 100% do it in my book! There must be women out there who want to talk all day to men ruining the "just wanted to say hi" for the rest of us. A text conversation is fine for a few minutes, but most of us are not looking to spend countless hours on the phone discussing the world's events. I just want you know I thought of ya, and likewise!

So men, don't be afraid to "just say hi" we are not all going to bombard you with mundane stories of daily events!!!

What Happened to all the blondes?

2009-01-10T18:45:00.003-05:00

Spending allot of my time in the cities "Night Life" it is hard to ignore the fact that there are less and less blondes out there. When did being blonde go out of style and dark hair take over?

Seems like ever since Eva Longoria made her wave in the entertainment scene from that God awful show of hers and became a fan favorite of most of the male demographic in America more and more girls have rushed to their local hair salon or Walgreens to become brunettes, or even straight black. The days of the long flowing blonde haired Pamela Anderson's who graced the walls of so many college dorm rooms are long gone, and quite frankly, I don't get it?

After spending countless hours on Myspace and Facebook looking at pictures, the number of girls with dark hair is astronomical! I am not just talking about those dark haired ethnic beauties, but girls who look as "All American" as the day is long with jet black hair. "I'm not into blondes" has become a built in phrase with men of all generations, I hear it said in social circles more times than you can imagine! Websites consisting of pics of "blonde" vs, "brunette" are all over the Internet, with the "brunette" coming out with the coveted title of "sexiest" the majority of the time. It's hard to pick girls out of the crowd in clubs and lounges in the sea of dark hair, they just all blend in with each other. Can it be attested to today's youth having no creativity, that they just follow the crowd? It's inevitable that there will always be the play it safers, the people who follow mainstream, but this dark hair obsession is overwhelming! I feel like we are living in a SciFi movie, as if Aliens are planting them all over. The dark haired Stepford Wives take Boston by storm, all mirroring each other. Are Girls that afraid to be who they are, worried they won't fit in?

I have spent the last 20 years of my life as a blonde, and I cant deny that I have got the itch to go darker at times for whatever the reason but when I get down to really thinking about it I say to myself "don't fix what ain't broken" !

You naturally dark haired beauties used to be special, different, not so much anymore with all the club rats running to Walgreens for their box of back dye!

Oh and to those men who are "not into blondes" I have this to say. I am sure you wouldn't banish Pamela Anderson or Jenna Jameson from your bed for being "BLONDE"